Motivational Quote: Your Legacy

Your Legacy

“How you use the opportunities you are given to affect the world around you will determine the legacy you leave behind.” – Tony Dungy, Former NFL Football Coach, Author

Motivational Quote: Connecting with others

Connecting with other peopleThere’s an order and a process to connecting with others: First you establish trust with the basic instincts, then you establish rapport with the personality. What results is a relationship, and with every relationship holds almost infinite possibilities.”

Nicholas Boothman, Author of How to Connect in Business in 90 seconds or Less and several other books.

Feeling Holiday Stress? Read on

As many people know the Holidays can be a very busy and stressful time.

The following article was written by a friend of mine, Julie Christiansen will help you get through this stressful time.

Julie Christiansen, is the author of many books on Anger Solution and Stress relief.


Oh the weather outside is frightful but the fire is so delightful… Yes, that sounds very romantic and idealistic in the lyrics of a song, but the truth is that often, while the weather outside might indeed be frightful, the climate indoors when families come together is not much better.

I don’t know why exactly, but I have heard it over and over again that the holidays seem to bring out the worst in some families. Here are jus some of the things my clients and customers have relayed to me about holiday gatherings – and I’m not making this stuff up:

  • I hold my anger in all year until right about Christmas time – and then when the whole family gets together, usually someone says something that is like, “the last straw”, and I just explode! I lambaste the whole family and then I’m good for another year.
  • Every time our family gets together, it always becomes a contest about who was treated the worst, who had the most unhappy childhood, and who was daddy’s favourite.
  • I hate family get togethers – my brother always says something unsavoury or rude, and it just ruins the whole thing!
  • I would rather spend Christmas on the other side of the world, alone – than spend it with my family. They make me feel so unloved and unwanted.

That’s pretty depressing, isn’t it! Yet, a vast majority of people reading this can relate, and may even be nodding their heads in agreement with some of the above statements! So – how do we get through the holidays unscathed? Here are some tips for surviving holiday stress and beating holiday anger – the Anger Solutions way.

  1. Remember the reason for the season. The holidays are not about presents. They are not about airing family grievances. They are not even about the turkey and the trimmings. The holidays are about honouring your faith, and spending quality time with the ones that you love as you celebrate. Keep your focus on the reason why your family is coming together, rather than all the horrid memories of Christmases past.
  2. Consider your desired outcomes. We teach this until we’re blue in the face with Anger Solutions: your events PLUS your responses equal your outcomes. The challenge is that too often, we don’t pre-consider what outcomes we would like to achieve. Ask yourself: “How would I like this Christmas or holiday gathering to turn out?” “What’s the best way to ensure that my outcomes are realized?” Decide in advance, what measures you can take to do an end-run around those who would attempt to derail your plans. My number one priority outcome is always to create great memories. If that is your priority outcome, how can you make that happen? That brings us to our next strategy:
  3. Solicit partners in positive outcomes. Do you like the ring of that? Partners in positive outcomes. Talk to your family members BEFORE your big event. Be honest about your misgivings and state your expectations. Go beyond asking questions about who is bringing the sweet potatoes or the dessert. It might sound something like this: “So Christmas dinner is at our house this year, and I know we all want to have a really great time. What I’m hoping for is that we can all put aside any of the family stuff that we deal with all the rest of the year, and just really enjoy each other’s company.”
  4. If there is a particular family member who tends to be the instigator, prepare a plan for how you will deal with this individual’s behaviour. You may want to be proactive, and address them prior to the get-together in the hopes that they will agree to be on their best behaviour. Another approach is to call them on their behaviour as soon as they begin with their typical antics. Do this by calling them aside privately – no need to embarrass them or the rest of the family. Very gently and compassionately identify the behaviour that is problematic and request that they discontinue the behaviour for the rest of the evening. E.g. “Mom, I know that you want to be involved in the preparation of the food, and I’m grateful that you’re here to help, but when you openly criticize my cooking in front of the family, I feel minimized and belittled. I’m guessing that others here might feel uncomfortable when that happens as well. I’m sure you don’t mean to do that, but that is how I feel all the same. So I’m asking you if you would be kind enough to keep your criticisms to yourself for the rest of the night – I would really appreciate that.” Other approaches may be to ban the “meddling” instigators from the kitchen under the premise that they deserve to relax and mingle while the last minute preparations are taken care of. This always works better when two or more people deliver the same message.
  5. Be prepared for awkward moments. If you follow this blog, then you know you have seen the TSA model before, but it will really help you if you find yourself experiencing a frustration signal during your family get togethers. Here it is again in a nutshell: THINK – What is happening? What does it mean? How do I feel about it? How would I like this to be resolved? What should I do next? SAY – “I feel… I need… I would like… ” Here’s a little tip – rather than saying, “Please don’t” – identify the exact behaviour that you would like to see instead. It keeps the conversation positive, and also clarifies your expectations for the other person. ASK – “Can you see where I’m coming from?” “How can we work together to help everyone have a really great time tonight?” Get the other individual involved in the problem solving process and you will get through even the awkward moments – AND you’ll do it together.
  6. Develop a structure for the evening. It doesn’t have to be a fully programmed dinner party; however, it may be more enjoyable and less stressful if you have a basic idea of how the evening will flow. Here’s an example:

– start with appetizers of course – people can mingle, listen to music, get caught up with each other while the last minute meal prep is being taken care of. Ensure that the beverages and finger foods are NOT in the kitchen area, so you can minimize traffic through your workspace. You may want to have some space set aside for the kids/youth in the family so that they can hang out, play games, watch TV or socialize while they wait for the food to be served as well. Once dinner is over, the designated cleanup crew clears the tables and gets them prepped for dessert. You may want to bring out some games (quiet ones at this point) – card games, chinese checkers, battleship, etc. for people to play. There are of course lots of new fun games on the market that engage conversation, and can be played by a large number of people. These are ideal to hel people stay focused on having fun, rather than wanting to bring up old family grievances. If there is a time for gift giving, designate a time for this as well.

I trust you will find this advice helpful as you prepare to go full steam ahead into the holidays. Above all else, remember the reason for the season – that is my first and last piece of advice to you.

Have a Merry Christmas, a Happy Holiday, and above all, be blessed!

How to move your Career and Life in the right direction

“Be better than you were yesterday, but not as good as you will be tomorrow.” – Richard Elmes

How do you accomplish this?

By continuously learning and looking for opportunities to improve your performance.

It doesn’t matter if it is improving your performance in business or your personal life, when you continously try to improve even a little bit each day, you will find that you will make great strides over time.

For example, I have read over 110 books a year for the past 11 years. I have accomplished this task by investing a lot of 5 minute segments every day in my development. I also try to improve my business and personal relationships everyday, by asking questions and listening to what the other person is telling me. (and not telling me). This way I move the relationship forward one step at a time.

And this way I ensure that I am continuously improving and being better tomorrow than I am today.

So, what can you do today to make sure that you will be better tomorrow than you are today?

How to maximize the effectiveness of your daily commute or drive time

Carl Melville who is the Chief Communicator at Enact Marketing asked the following question on LinkedIn:

How do you maximize the effectiveness of your daily commute or drive time?

Here was my response:

Hi Carl,

How do I maximize the effectiveness of my daily commute?

1. Reading: I listen to audio-books (I am an audio-book junkie). This allows me to utilize what my friend Jim Estill calls The Power of While, which means doing one thing while you are doing something else. This is the main reason I can read over 110 business books a year.

2. Creative thinking: I always carry a notebook with me and I find that my most productive creative thinking time is while I am listening to an audio-book in my car. I just jot down a few messy notes or create a rough mind map and re-write it later when I am not driving.

3. Exercising: I have created a mini work out that I can do while driving.
This work-out includes:

  • Stomach crunches (just suck in your gut using your stomach muscles),
  • Butt squeezes (squeeze your butt cheeks together and release),
  • Arm Curls (make a fist and tighten your muscles to add tension) (be careful not do do this while you are slowly passing someone or stopped beside another car, otherwise they may think you are flipping them off),
  • Arm cross overs ( touch your left shoulder with your right hand, while holding the steering wheel with your left hand and then the next sequence touch your right shoulder with your left hand, while you hold onto the steering wheel with your right hand).
    Doing these in groups of 100 will not only allow you to make good use of your drive time, but it will also get your juices flowing for the rest of the day.

I hope this gives you some ideas on how to maximize your drive time.

Making a difference,

Richard Elmes CSP, The Sales Dating Guy

My 10 + 2 Favourite Books on Selling

My Top 10 + 2 Favourite Books on Selling

10. Buying Trances by Joe Vitale

9. Artful Persuasion by Harry Mills

8. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

7. The One Minute Sales Person by Spencer Johnson

6. Customers for Life by Carl Sewell

5. SPIN Selling by Neil Rackham

4. Raving Fans (or anything by Ken Blanchard)

3. First Things First (or anything by Stephen Covey)

2. Selling to the Top by David Peoples

1. Bible by GOD

1.1 The Little Red Book of Selling (or anything by Jeffrey Gitomer)

1.2 The Greatest Salesman in the World (or anything by Og Mandino)

Hello world!

Welcome to my blog!

The purpose of this blog is to share with you some of the things that I discover about how to be successful in sales and in life. I have been studying for the past 11 years in what I call Elmes University. The curriculum consists of

1) working with some very smart people, many of them gurus in their own right

2) reading over 100 books each year (and I am not talking about novels)

3) and being a curious about how life works.

You could say that I am a student of life. And I major in Business, Sales, Leadership and Human dynamics.

So, keep coming back as I share some of my thoughts, learnings and stories as they happen.