The 7+ Habits of Highly Effective Husbands- Habit#8: Use “The Pause” …Wisely

Before I tell you what “The Pause” is, I need to let you know a little bit about my wife. She is a type-A person who is always on the move. In fact I believe she only has two speeds… high and off.

And though she’s very smart, she sometimes doesn’t realize just how smart she truly is. And that is one of the reasons why I use, “The Pause”.

Because sometimes she’ll be upstairs, when I’m downstairs and she’ll call down to me and ask, “Rich, do you know where _________ is?”

(Pause)

“Never mind… I found it.”

Trust me… practicing this Habit will not only save you a ton of energy, but she won’t miss out on the satisfaction of finding what she was looking for herself.

But the trick is to make sure you don’t wait too long, because if she has to ask again… you’re screwed.

So remember to use Habit #8 “The Pause”… Wisely.

(Note “The Pause” is used in a different way than the Power of the Pause, that I learned at Toastmasters http://www.toastmasters.org, which will be subject for another blog post)

Check back next time when we will talk about one of the most critical, but under utilized tools that guys can use to keep their relationships (and sex lives) running smoothly.

Also, if you know of any husbands (or couples) that would benefit from reading these blogs feel free to send them the link to this blog https://relmes.wordpress.com

The 7+ Habits of Highly Effective Husbands- Habit #4: Never Stop Selling

In my work as a Sales Trainer, I am known at “The Sales Dating Guy”  http://www.RichardElmes.com because when I teach Selling Skills, I use the analogy that Selling is like Dating and Customer Service is like a Marriage.

I also teach a Professional Selling class at Conestoga College http://www.conestogac.on.ca .

One day one of my students asked me this question,

“You don’t have to keep selling after you get married… do you?”

My response was, “Only if you want to … stay married.”

Now stats show that almost half of marriage end just after the first year. And I believe this is due to the fact that after they say, “I do”, many husbands believe their work is done.

They don’t realize that marriage is extremely hard work. You have to keep selling yourself to your spouse over and over and over.

You can think of it this way… Your relationship is like a bank account.

In order to get anything out of it (or make withdrawals) you need to first make deposits. Lots of deposits. Big deposits, little deposits, not just once, but almost continuously.

Because when you have a positive balance… life will be good. When you are overdrawn… not so much.

So remember Habit #4 and Never Stop Selling.

Check back next time to find out how to make bigger deposits with less work. This will be revealed in Habit #5.

The 7+ Habits of Highly Effective Husbands: Habit #3: Think WE before ME

To explain theis point I need to talk about another one of my great loves… hockey.

I remember one particular game when a powerful Jr. A team from a neighbouring city http://www.kitchenerrangers.com  was losing to our city’s young inexperienced team. http://www.guelphstorm.com

Then, with the game still in reach, their new star player (Steve Downie http://lightning.nhl.com/team/app?page=PlayerDetail&playerId=8471703&service=page) jumped one of our players (Mike MacLean http://www.hockeydb.com/ihdb/stats/pdisplay.php?pid=76851)from behind for what seemed like no reason at all, knocking him to the ground, and beat the tar out of him. To make matters worse, after being pulled off by the refs, he proceeded to kick his helmet against the boards, knock over a rack of hockey sticks, and toss a case of water bottles onto the ice. (Check out the whole thing on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQ4RkHbMeqk&feature=PlayList&p=ECEEA090F95A695E&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=50) Not only did he embarass himself, but he left his team short-handed. Our team went on to win 5-0.

It has been said that selfishness is the root of all evil.

Well, Mr. Downie, received an 8-game suspension for his selfish act that night. And isn’t it interesting that while he was suspended his team started winning again.

In short, when players focus on themselves, they lose. But when they focus on the team, they win.

The same lesson applies in marriage.  I know when I make major decisions focusing only on me, I get in trouble. But when I focus on the two of us, on WE, things work out better.

Because great teams are just that… teams.

So if you want to win remember Habit #3 and Think WE before Me.

Check back next time to learn what Habit #4 is.

The 7+ Habits of Highly Effective Husbands – Habit#1- Create Your Vision… Together

Yogi Berra once said, “If you don’t know where you’re going, you might not get there.”

The same is true in marriage. If you don’t have a clear picture of what you want to get out of your relationship, you may be disappointed by how it turns out.

Because all things are created twice.
First in the mind of the creator… then in real life.

And notice that I said create your vision …together. If you plan your life vision together, you’ll both tend to stay on the same page as you go.

So if you haven’t done this yet, here is my suggestion.
Grab your laptop or some paper, find a quiet place, sit down together and dream.

Imagine that you’re about to celebrate your 25th Wedding Anniversary and talk about all the wonderful things that have happened in your life over the past 25 years. Talk about them as if they have already happened.

Perhaps you can talk about the beautiful home you built.
Or how your wise investments have left you financially secure.
Or perhaps you can talk about how little Johnny or Joanie won the Stanley Cup.

My point is this: the best way to predict your future is to create it yourself.

So, remember Habit #1 and Create Your Vision… Together.

Also, if you stumbled onto this blog and you know of a anyone who is getting married or has been married in the past few years, why don’t you send them an email, including the link to this blog. You will both be glad that you did.

Check out my next blog entry as I share Habit #2.