“Actions speak louder than words” – Greek Proverb
“Actions speak louder than words” – Greek Proverb
Put me down for two!
“Nothing motivates like results.” – Dr. Robert Lewis, Creator of Men’s Fraternity
Effective husbands cherish every moment of their marriage.
Not just the good times (that’s the easy part), but the challenging times as well.
And I know that it won’t seem like it at the time, but those challenging times are really a gift.
They’re a gift because those times are what will mold you into the best husband you can be. Those times are what will move you closer as a couple. And those times are what will provide the wisdom that you can then pass down to future generations.
And how do you get through those rough times?
You laugh!!! You play!!! You hold on!!!
And before you know it, life will be better than ever.
You know that you have picked a wonderful girl. And if you use these strategies that I shared with you in this series of blog posts, she will know that you are a wonderful and effective husband.
So, on that note I believe it is fitting to end this blog series on The 7+ Habits of Highly Effective Husbands with a toast.
To Love, to laughter and a happy ever after.
Also, if you have read one or all twelve of these tips and found them useful, and know of anyone else who might enjoy this series of blog posts, feel free to send them an email with a link to this blog. That way they can also benefit from this information.
Although giving your wife a gift is a great way to show your love, especially if it’s in her favourite currency, if you’re not careful it can still blow up in your face.
Like the time when we were dating I gave my wife April a beautiful red lace rose, not knowing that when you took the plastic off, the head of the rose was really a little pair (and I mean little) of skimpy underwear.
That wouldn’t have been so bad, except that I gave it to her at her birthday party… at my parents’ house.
And that summer when she started talking to me again… (her birthday is in December), she suggested that I needed help.
And that is when I decided to study and learn the science behind effective gift giving.
A science that has been a mystery to husbands (and sales reps) for years… until now!
What I discovered were thes 4 elements of effective gift giving that I call the T.I.M.S. factor.
The 1st element it Timing:
A gift that is a surprise is more powerful that one she expects.
You still need to give her a gift on special occassions, like Christmas, her Birthday or your Anniversary, but you may find that she will be just as delighted if you bring her flowers after work on Friday.
But, don’t do it every Friday… because then she’ll expect it which will not only make it less powerful, but if you forget one week she will be disappointed. This is certainly not the emotion you want to generate.
The 2nd element is your Investment:
And by investment, I don’t just mean the money you spend but also the time and effort you take in thinking about, finding and picking out just the right gift for her.
The more time and effort you invest, the more powerful the gift will be.
Trust me, women know which gifts are bought on December 24th.
The 3rd element is your Motive:
My research shows that there are 4 different types of gifts.
The “Just because I love you (or was thinking about you)” gift, which is the most powerful.
The “Thank you” gift, which is the next most powerful.
The “Negotiation” gift, which is less powerful, because if you receive something in return it is not really a gift.
And the “Please don’t make me sleep on the couch again tonight, honey” or the “suck-up” gift, which is abviously the least powerful.
The 4th element of the T.I.M.S. model of effective gift giving is the Sensation that she feels when she gets your gift.
If your gift leaves her happy… you’re golden.
If you have to go out and buy her a “Please don’t make me sleep on the couch again tonight, honey” gift to make up for your original one… not so much.
So remember Habit #10 and think T.I.M.S. before buying her a gift.
Next time, in Habit #11 we will explore how to learn from hundreds of years of wisdom in order improve your marriage.
Before I tell you what “The Pause” is, I need to let you know a little bit about my wife. She is a type-A person who is always on the move. In fact I believe she only has two speeds… high and off.
And though she’s very smart, she sometimes doesn’t realize just how smart she truly is. And that is one of the reasons why I use, “The Pause”.
Because sometimes she’ll be upstairs, when I’m downstairs and she’ll call down to me and ask, “Rich, do you know where _________ is?”
“Never mind… I found it.”
Trust me… practicing this Habit will not only save you a ton of energy, but she won’t miss out on the satisfaction of finding what she was looking for herself.
But the trick is to make sure you don’t wait too long, because if she has to ask again… you’re screwed.
So remember to use Habit #8 “The Pause”… Wisely.
(Note “The Pause” is used in a different way than the Power of the Pause, that I learned at Toastmasters http://www.toastmasters.org, which will be subject for another blog post)
Check back next time when we will talk about one of the most critical, but under utilized tools that guys can use to keep their relationships (and sex lives) running smoothly.
Also, if you know of any husbands (or couples) that would benefit from reading these blogs feel free to send them the link to this blog https://relmes.wordpress.com
One of the things you need to know about your wife is that she is going to worry.
How do I know? All wives worry!
They worry about many different things… work, finances, and especially their families.
One of the ways an effective husband can relieve some of this stress is by managing his wife’s expectations on a daily basis.
You see, we all make judgements based on the information that is before us. And if we don’t have all of the information, our imaginations have a habit of making up the rest.
For example, say your job took a little longer to complete than you thought or maybe you ran into construction on the highway, and you find yourself running a little late.
As a guy, you may not think anything of it.
Annoying, yes… but really no big deal.
Meanwhile, at home, your wife may be totally freaking out.
All she knows is that she expected you home 45 minutes ago, you’re not there, dinner’s ready, and she doesn’t know what happened to you. For all she knows, you’re half-dead in a ditch somewhere.
Sure, you can wait until she calls to see if you’re all right. But do you really want her feeling foolish for making that call? Especially when it can easily be avoided?
All you have to do is be pro-active… call her first and tell her you’re going to be late. This way you manage her expectation, eliminate all of that stress, and avoid a cold dinner.
So, remember Habit #7 and Manage Her Expectations… daily
O.K. we have covered the 7 Habits, but remember I said there were 7+ Habits. In fact there are 12 Habits in all. So check back next time to check out a way that will save you a lot of effort. I will cover that in Habit #8.