Although giving your wife a gift is a great way to show your love, especially if it’s in her favourite currency, if you’re not careful it can still blow up in your face.
Like the time when we were dating I gave my wife April a beautiful red lace rose, not knowing that when you took the plastic off, the head of the rose was really a little pair (and I mean little) of skimpy underwear.
That wouldn’t have been so bad, except that I gave it to her at her birthday party… at my parents’ house.
And that summer when she started talking to me again… (her birthday is in December), she suggested that I needed help.
And that is when I decided to study and learn the science behind effective gift giving.
A science that has been a mystery to husbands (and sales reps) for years… until now!
What I discovered were thes 4 elements of effective gift giving that I call the T.I.M.S. factor.
The 1st element it Timing:
A gift that is a surprise is more powerful that one she expects.
You still need to give her a gift on special occassions, like Christmas, her Birthday or your Anniversary, but you may find that she will be just as delighted if you bring her flowers after work on Friday.
But, don’t do it every Friday… because then she’ll expect it which will not only make it less powerful, but if you forget one week she will be disappointed. This is certainly not the emotion you want to generate.
The 2nd element is your Investment:
And by investment, I don’t just mean the money you spend but also the time and effort you take in thinking about, finding and picking out just the right gift for her.
The more time and effort you invest, the more powerful the gift will be.
Trust me, women know which gifts are bought on December 24th.
The 3rd element is your Motive:
My research shows that there are 4 different types of gifts.
The “Just because I love you (or was thinking about you)” gift, which is the most powerful.
The “Thank you” gift, which is the next most powerful.
The “Negotiation” gift, which is less powerful, because if you receive something in return it is not really a gift.
And the “Please don’t make me sleep on the couch again tonight, honey” or the “suck-up” gift, which is abviously the least powerful.
The 4th element of the T.I.M.S. model of effective gift giving is the Sensation that she feels when she gets your gift.
If your gift leaves her happy… you’re golden.
If you have to go out and buy her a “Please don’t make me sleep on the couch again tonight, honey” gift to make up for your original one… not so much.
So remember Habit #10 and think T.I.M.S. before buying her a gift.
Next time, in Habit #11 we will explore how to learn from hundreds of years of wisdom in order improve your marriage.