The 7+ Habits of Highly Effective Husbands – Habit#11: Talk to the Old Man

If your wedding was like most, the husbands in attendance will have approximately 300-400 years of marital experience.

300-400 years of wisdom.

300-400 years of making mistakes.

And if you are as smart as I think you are (because if you weren’t you wouldn’t be reading this post), you’ll learn from these experienced veterans because they can provide not only advice, but also a list of all their mistakes. Actually, you will need to get the list of mistakes from their wives.

Anyway, armed with this knowledge, you can avoid making those some mistakes and be free to go out and make your own.

My point is this: Effective husbands seek out mentors.

They look for men they can trust, whose marriages they admire and they learn from them.

In short, don’t try to figure it all out for yourself. Use Habit #11 and Talk to the Old Man.

Check back next time when we cover the 12th and last (for now) Habit. The Habit that is the key to making your marriage work.

The 7+ Habits of Highly Effective Husbands – Habit #10: Think T.I.M.S. before buying her a gift

Although giving your wife a gift is a great way to show your love, especially if it’s in her favourite currency, if you’re not careful it can still blow up in your face.

Like the time when we were dating I gave my wife April a beautiful red lace rose, not knowing that when you took the plastic off, the head of the rose was really a little pair (and I mean little) of skimpy underwear.

That wouldn’t have been so bad, except that I gave it to her at her birthday party… at my parents’ house.

And that summer when she started talking to me again… (her birthday is in December), she suggested that I needed help.

 And that is when I decided to study and learn the science behind effective gift giving.

A science that has been a mystery to husbands (and sales reps) for years… until now!

 What I discovered were thes 4 elements of effective gift giving that I call the T.I.M.S. factor.

The 1st element it Timing:

A gift that is a surprise is more powerful that one she expects.

You still need to give her a gift on special occassions, like Christmas, her Birthday or your Anniversary, but you may find that she will be just as delighted if you bring her flowers after work on Friday.

But, don’t do it every Friday… because then she’ll expect it which will not only make it less powerful, but if you forget one week she will be disappointed. This is certainly not the emotion you want to generate.

 The 2nd element is your Investment:

And by investment, I don’t just mean the money you spend but also the time and effort you take in thinking about, finding and picking out just the right gift for her.

The more time and effort you invest, the more powerful the gift will be.

Trust me, women know which gifts are bought on December 24th.

 The 3rd element is your Motive:

My research shows that there are 4 different types of gifts.

The “Just because I love you (or was thinking about you)” gift, which is the most powerful.

The “Thank you” gift, which is the next most powerful.

The “Negotiation” gift, which is less powerful, because if you receive something in return it is not really a gift.

And the “Please don’t make me sleep on the couch again tonight, honey” or the “suck-up” gift, which is abviously the least powerful.

 The 4th element of the T.I.M.S. model of effective gift giving is the Sensation that she feels when she gets your gift.

If your gift leaves her happy… you’re golden.

If you have to go out and buy her a “Please don’t make me sleep on the couch again tonight, honey” gift to make up for your original one… not so much.

So remember Habit #10 and think T.I.M.S. before buying her a gift.

Next time, in Habit #11 we will explore how to learn from hundreds of years of wisdom in order improve your marriage.

The 7+ Habits of Highly Effective Husbands – Habit #5: Use the Right Currencies

There are many different ways that you can show your wife that you love her.

In his book “The Five Love Languages” ( a book that I think should be required reading for any couple) http://www.fivelovelanguages.com author Dr. Gary Chapman describes 5 different currencies (or ways) people give and receive love.

They are:

Words of Affirmation, telling her how much you appreciate her

Acts of Service, doing things to help her out.

Spending Quality Time together as a couple.

Physical Touch and not just in the bedroom.

And Giving and Receiving Gifts. (More about this in Habit #10)

We naturally tend to show love in the ways that we best receive it.

But we all know that Men and Women are different.

And many husbands have been frustrated because they feel that they’re showing their wife that they love them (by making a lot of “deposits” in their love account) but their wife only feel a fraction of it because they are not using the right currency. For instance, he buys her gifts when she would rather they spend more quality time together.

The key is to discover which currencies your wife finds the most valuable and show love to her in those ways. (To discover your favorite currency or Love Language take Dr. Chapman’s 30 second assessment: http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/30sec.html#love )

So remember Habit #5 and Use the Right Currencies.

Check back next time to discover how to avoid making matters worse when your spouse is telling you about a problem that is frustrating her. That’s Habit #6, which you will discover next time.

The Tradition of Champions: The Common thing that all Champions do

He fell to his knees and looked heaven-ward as his teammates sprinted out to congratulate each other in a heap of baseball players that resembled little kids. And in some ways they were little kids.

Little kids that are blessed with the talent to play a game at such high levels that they receive millions of dollars for it.

Who am I talking about?

I am talking about the Philadelphia Phillies Baseball Club right after their ace closer Brad Lidge struck out the Tampa Bay Rays, Eric Henske for the final out to win their 2nd World Series, and first since 1983. http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/gameTrax?gameId=281027122&refreshRate=30&MSNHPHMA

Both teams played their hearts out and in the locker room celebrations amonst all the traditions which includes lifting the trophy over their heads, putting on the special commemerative gear (T-shirt and Hat) and showering each other with champaigne their is another tradition that almost each and every player cherishes.

The tradition that I am talking about is having the opportunity to thank some of the people (whether it be parents or a little league coach) that helped them get to where they are today. And to be able to do it on National TV with millions of people watching makes the moment even sweeter.

Because nobody, not one player got to where they were today all by themselves. They all had teachers or coaches or friends and family that taught them the game, encouraged them to compete and celebrated their victories (and defeats) with them.

This is true in other endevours, not just sports. In business, mentors can help leaders move to the top of their profession. In families, parents and friends can mentor young boys to become men and young girls to grow up to be mature ladies.

And when you get to the top of your game, remember the tradition of champions and thank those who helped you get there.

Because it is easy for us to say we did it all on our own, but it takes a true champion to share the glory with those who helped them along the way.

The Science of Giving Gifts

 The following tip is from my Guide titled: The 7+ Habits of Highly Effective Husbands.  When you read it think how this psychology may come into play when you are giving gifts to your customers.

The Science of Giving Gifts 

Giving your wife a gift is a great way to show your love, but if you are not careful it can blow up in your face.

Like the time when we were dating I gave my wife April a beautiful red lace rose, not knowing that when you took the plastic off, the head of the rose was really a little pair (and I mean little) of skimpy underwear.

That wouldn’t have been so bad, except that I gave it to her at her birthday party… at my parents’ house.

And that summer when she started talking to me again… (her birthday is in December), she suggested that I needed help.

 

And that is when I decided to study and learn the science behind effective gift giving.

A science that has been a mystery to husbands (and sales reps) for years… until now!

 

What I discovered were thes 4 elements of effective gift giving that I call the T.I.M.S. factor.

 

The 1st element it Timing:

A gift that is a surprise is more powerful that one she expects.

You still need to give her a gift on special occassions, like Christmas, her Birthday or your Anniversary, but you may find that she will be just as delighted if you bring her flowers after work on Friday.

But, don’t do it every Friday… because then she’ll expect it which will not only make it less powerful, but if you forget one week she will be disappointed. This is certainly not the emotion you want to generate.

 

The 2nd element is your Investment:

And by investment, I don’t just mean the money you spend but also the time and effort you take in thinking about, finding and picking out just the right gift for her.

The more time and effort you invest, the more powerful the gift will be.

Trust me, women know which gifts are bought on December 24th.

 

The 3rd element is your Motive:

My research shows that there are 4 different types of gifts.

The “Just because I love you (or was thinking about you)” gift, which is the most powerful.

The “Thank you” gift, which is the next most powerful.

The “Negotiation” gift, which is less powerful, because if you receive something in return it is not really a gift.

And the “Please don’t make me sleep on the couch again tonight, honey” or the “suck-up” gift, which is abviously the least powerful.

 

The 4th element of the T.I.M.S. model of effective gift giving is the Sensation that she feels when she gets your gift.

If your gift leaves her happy… you’re golden.

If you have to go out and buy her a “Please don’t make me sleep on the couch again tonight, honey” gift to make up for your original one… not so much.

So remember the Science of Gift Giving and think T.I.M.S. before buying her a gift.