Motivational Quote: The Effect of Negative Words

“Harsh words can be like nuclear bombs to relationships” – Royal Hamel, http://www.lightthedarkness.org/

Just as harsh words can destroy, kind words can energize relationships more than you can ever expect.

So choose your words wisely.

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Motivational Quote: Playing it Safe

“If you risk nothing, then you risk everything.” – Geena Davis, Actor

The 7+ Habits of Highly Effective Husbands – Habit#11: Talk to the Old Man

If your wedding was like most, the husbands in attendance will have approximately 300-400 years of marital experience.

300-400 years of wisdom.

300-400 years of making mistakes.

And if you are as smart as I think you are (because if you weren’t you wouldn’t be reading this post), you’ll learn from these experienced veterans because they can provide not only advice, but also a list of all their mistakes. Actually, you will need to get the list of mistakes from their wives.

Anyway, armed with this knowledge, you can avoid making those some mistakes and be free to go out and make your own.

My point is this: Effective husbands seek out mentors.

They look for men they can trust, whose marriages they admire and they learn from them.

In short, don’t try to figure it all out for yourself. Use Habit #11 and Talk to the Old Man.

Check back next time when we cover the 12th and last (for now) Habit. The Habit that is the key to making your marriage work.

The 7+ Habits of Highly Effective Husbands – Habit #10: Think T.I.M.S. before buying her a gift

Although giving your wife a gift is a great way to show your love, especially if it’s in her favourite currency, if you’re not careful it can still blow up in your face.

Like the time when we were dating I gave my wife April a beautiful red lace rose, not knowing that when you took the plastic off, the head of the rose was really a little pair (and I mean little) of skimpy underwear.

That wouldn’t have been so bad, except that I gave it to her at her birthday party… at my parents’ house.

And that summer when she started talking to me again… (her birthday is in December), she suggested that I needed help.

 And that is when I decided to study and learn the science behind effective gift giving.

A science that has been a mystery to husbands (and sales reps) for years… until now!

 What I discovered were thes 4 elements of effective gift giving that I call the T.I.M.S. factor.

The 1st element it Timing:

A gift that is a surprise is more powerful that one she expects.

You still need to give her a gift on special occassions, like Christmas, her Birthday or your Anniversary, but you may find that she will be just as delighted if you bring her flowers after work on Friday.

But, don’t do it every Friday… because then she’ll expect it which will not only make it less powerful, but if you forget one week she will be disappointed. This is certainly not the emotion you want to generate.

 The 2nd element is your Investment:

And by investment, I don’t just mean the money you spend but also the time and effort you take in thinking about, finding and picking out just the right gift for her.

The more time and effort you invest, the more powerful the gift will be.

Trust me, women know which gifts are bought on December 24th.

 The 3rd element is your Motive:

My research shows that there are 4 different types of gifts.

The “Just because I love you (or was thinking about you)” gift, which is the most powerful.

The “Thank you” gift, which is the next most powerful.

The “Negotiation” gift, which is less powerful, because if you receive something in return it is not really a gift.

And the “Please don’t make me sleep on the couch again tonight, honey” or the “suck-up” gift, which is abviously the least powerful.

 The 4th element of the T.I.M.S. model of effective gift giving is the Sensation that she feels when she gets your gift.

If your gift leaves her happy… you’re golden.

If you have to go out and buy her a “Please don’t make me sleep on the couch again tonight, honey” gift to make up for your original one… not so much.

So remember Habit #10 and think T.I.M.S. before buying her a gift.

Next time, in Habit #11 we will explore how to learn from hundreds of years of wisdom in order improve your marriage.

The 7+ Habits of Highly Effective Husbands – Habit#1- Create Your Vision… Together

Yogi Berra once said, “If you don’t know where you’re going, you might not get there.”

The same is true in marriage. If you don’t have a clear picture of what you want to get out of your relationship, you may be disappointed by how it turns out.

Because all things are created twice.
First in the mind of the creator… then in real life.

And notice that I said create your vision …together. If you plan your life vision together, you’ll both tend to stay on the same page as you go.

So if you haven’t done this yet, here is my suggestion.
Grab your laptop or some paper, find a quiet place, sit down together and dream.

Imagine that you’re about to celebrate your 25th Wedding Anniversary and talk about all the wonderful things that have happened in your life over the past 25 years. Talk about them as if they have already happened.

Perhaps you can talk about the beautiful home you built.
Or how your wise investments have left you financially secure.
Or perhaps you can talk about how little Johnny or Joanie won the Stanley Cup.

My point is this: the best way to predict your future is to create it yourself.

So, remember Habit #1 and Create Your Vision… Together.

Also, if you stumbled onto this blog and you know of a anyone who is getting married or has been married in the past few years, why don’t you send them an email, including the link to this blog. You will both be glad that you did.

Check out my next blog entry as I share Habit #2.

Motivational Quote: Learning

“You must learn from the mistakes of others, because you can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.” – Sam Levenson

Motivational Quote: Change

People don’t resist change. They resist being changed. – Peter Senge